Glorifying God through All We Think, Say and Do
Being Mindful of Our God the Whole Day Through
Subjects in this Article are:
1. Marital Intimacy
2. Training Up a Child
Pray that Married Couples would Richly Enjoy It
Richly enjoying what God has given us
God created marital intimacy and wants us not only to express our love to one another through it, but to richly enjoy it as well (1 Timothy 6:17). For it’s this act between a man and a woman which can bring about the most intense physical pleasure that two people can ever experience. For it’s one of those pleasures of life that even brings forth new life (yes, I mean babies). So, this being the case, doesn't it make sense that God would want us to richly enjoy it? For God’s word says: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” which means marriage is good for everyone and that sexual intimacy is not to be viewed as dirty, defiling or unholy (Hebrews 13:4). And let us remember we ourselves are here because our parents had a sexual encounter as well. And let’s thank God they did.
Now that being said, we must keep in mind that people are not always on the same level of faith when it comes to sexual intimacy. For some may limit themselves to some simple basics, while others may have more freedom enjoying themselves on their marriage bed. So that being said, we need to be careful not to put a stumbling block nor a guilt trip on a fellow Christian. What I mean is this; those who limit themselves to the simple basics, should not condemn those who do otherwise. And in the same way, those who indulge in it should not look down on those who don’t. For we need to take heed to what God’s word says and leave all judgment up to God. For it's before Him that we stand or fall; and according to His word, He will make us stand (Romans 14) So, wherever your faith may allow you to go in your sexual intimacy, you should richly enjoy it and give thanks to God for it.
Me, Me, Me (that shouldn't be)
However, we still need to use caution when it comes to this area of physical intimacy. For it can be so easy to take things out of perspective and focus only on ourselves instead of our mate. For we must not overlook the fact that sexual intimacy is to be an act of giving as well as receiving. For we are to focus on bringing pleasure to our spouse who in turn should want to bring pleasure to us. It can truly be a beautiful act when the couple has this attitude of giving to one another. And again, let's not forget that the sexual act between a man and his wife was designed by God to bring children into this world. So, to take sex out of it’s intended environment could lead you to a feeling of incompleteness, an emptiness, or even frustration. That’s why we need the Holy Spirit daily to help us put all these things into their proper perspective. His Word tells us to walk after the Spirit so that we can put off the deeds of the flesh. For if you live for pleasure you will die, but if you live for God, he will give you all things to enjoy in their proper time and place (1 Timothy 5:6). Therefore, let us always read and meditate on his Word and be doers of it. Amen.
What about Us
Of course there are those who may struggle with some sexual infirmity that can hamper a normal act for the two. But even here God provides ways for them to enjoy the sexual act too. Of course they may have to get creative in their quest to have children. However, with a little help and cooperation from each other, and utilizing what God has given them, they can work all things out. And yes, there may be those couples who enjoy a normal sex life but are struggling with conceiving a child. However, that didn’t stop Abraham and Sarah or even Zachariah and Elizabeth from continuing having sex, even in their old age. And we know in the end they were blessed with a child. So, even in your physical infirmities, don't stop enjoy it with your spouse, trusting and hoping in God that He will make a way for you.
The Song of Songs
There is a book in the bible called Song of Songs, which has a beautiful love story between a man and his wife. I encourage all couples to read through its pages and glean from it, asking God's Holy Spirit to bring out its rich meanings. But, be careful of those who may take it out of contexts, trying to making it read in such a way it was meant not. Always test what others may tell you (including what I say) like the those did from Berea who searched out the scriptures to make sure what they were being told was true (Acts 17:10-11). And always interpret scripture with scripture relying on the Holy Spirit to teach you the truth. God help us.
Below are a few passages from the Bible's Song of Songs chapters
What about Birth Control?
So what about birth control. Well, I’m going to be quite frank with you on this. I believe that the use of birth control is wrong. This would include the use of birth control pills, condoms, vasectomy, tubal ligation or pulling out during a normal intercourse so as to spill ones semen on the ground. These acts are a willful withholding of children which is in direct defiance to God’s command for married couples. For the Bible says: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (Genesis 1:28)”
So some may be asking, is there any punishment described in the Bible for married couple who are using birth control? Well, that there is. For we can see a man named Onan who was not willing to allow his wife to conceive during their act of sexual intimacy. For God word says: “And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.” (Genesis 38:9-10) So, it was in that culture if a man dies leaving no children, that his brother should marry her and raise a child to carry on his dead brothers name. Now according to this custom, Onan had the choice not to marry her if he did not want to (even though it would be to his disgrace). But because he did marry her, he then had the duty to bring forth children. However he refused, and God slew him for his wrongful actions but no harm came to the wife. And let’s not forget what God’s word says concerning children: “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5)
Now, having said all this, I do believe that there may be times that a sexual act may not directly cause conception and yet would not be evil. This would include any sexual act that would be done outside of a woman’s normal time of ovulation. A good example of this would be during a woman’s pregnancy. Of course there are other examples as well which would include those who cannot have a normal sexual act because of a some physical ailment. But again, because the couples intent is not to willfully withhold children, their sexual act should not be viewed as evil. And let’s remember Paul’s statement to the Corinthians believers. For he said: “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Giving Heed to God's Word
Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
The Puritan's View of Sex in Marriage
Nathan W. Bingham • Feb 14, 2014
There are many caricatures and misinformation when it comes to how Christians through the ages have viewed sex in marriage. In Dr. Joel R. Beekeʼs Living for Godʼs Glory: An Introduction to Calvinism, he dedicates a chapter to marriage, in which he discusses the Puritanʼs view.
Marital love must be sexual, so that both marital partners can give themselves fully to each other with joy and exuberance in a healthy relationship marked by fidelity. Reformers such as Martin Luther, Ulrich Zwingli, and John Calvin established this aspect of marriage by abandoning the medieval Roman Catholic attitudes that marriage was inferior to celibacy, that all sexual contact between marital partners was a necessary evil to propagate the human race, and that a procreative act that involved passion was inherently sinful. This negative view was rooted in the ancient church and based on the writings of such notables as Tertullian, Ambrose, and Jerome, all of whom believed that, even within marriage, intercourse necessarily involved sin. This attitude toward marital intimacy, which dominated the church for more than ten centuries, inevitably led to the glorification of virginity and celibacy. By the fifth century, clerics were prohibited from marrying. Two classes of Christians emerged: the “religious” (i.e., the spiritual clergy), which included monks and nuns who vowed to abstain from all sexual activity, and the “profane” (i.e., the secular laity), who, being unable to rise to the noble heights of virginity or celibacy, were conceded the right to marry.
Puritan preachers taught that the Roman Catholic view was unbiblical, even satanic. They cited Paul, who said that the prohibition of marriage is a doctrine of devils (1 Tim. 4W1–3). Even the Puritan definitions of marriage implied the conjugal act. For example, Perkins defines marriage as “the lawful conjunction of the two married persons; that is, of one man and one woman into one flesh.” In contrast with Desiderius Erasmus, who taught that ideal marriage abstained from sexual intercourse, Cotton said in a wedding sermon that those who call for marital abstinence follow the dictates of a blind mind and not those of the Holy Spirit, who says that it is not good that man should be alone. The Puritans viewed sex within marriage as a gift of God and as an essential, enjoyable part of marriage. Gouge says that husbands and wives should cohabit “with good will and delight, willingly, readily, and cheerfully.” “They do err,” adds Perkins, “who hold that the secret coming together of man and wife cannot be without sin unless it be done for the procreation of children.”
Perkins goes on to say that marital sex is a “due debt” or “due benevolence” (1 Cor. 7W3) that a couple owes to one another. That must be shown, he says, “with a singular and entire affection one towards another” in three ways: “First, by the right and lawful use of their bodies or of the marriage bed.” Such physical intimacy by “holy usage” should be “a holy and undefiled action (Heb. 13W4)... sanctified by the word and prayer (1 Tim. 4W3–4).” The fruits of God-honoring, enjoyable sex in marriage are the blessing of children, “the preservation of the body in cleanness,” and the reflection of marriage as a type of the Christ-church relationship. Second, married couples must “cherish one another” intimately (Eph. 5W29) rather than having sex in an impersonal way as an adulterer with a prostitute. Third, a couple should be intimate “by an holy kind of rejoicing and solacing themselves each with the other in a mutual declaration of the signs and tokens of love and kindness (Prov. 5W18–19; Songs 1W1; Gen. 26W8; Isa. 62W7).” In this context, Perkins particularly mentions kissing.
Other Puritans stressed the romantic side of marriage as they compared the love of a husband to Godʼs love for His own. Thomas Hooker writes, “The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves, he dreams of her in the night, hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, museth on her as he sits at table, walks with her when he travels and parlies with her in each place where he comes.” He adds: “She lies in his Bosom, and his heart trusts in her, which forceth all to confess, that the stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full tide and strength.” The emphasis on romance within marriage (rather than in extramarital relations, as was common in the Middle Ages) has often been attributed to the Puritans. Herbert W. Richardson writes that “the rise of romantic marriage and its validation by the Puritans represents a major innovation within the Christian tradition.” And C. S. Lewis says, “The conversion of courtly love into romantic monogamous love was largely the work of... Puritan poets.”
The Puritans took the matrimonial duty of sex so seriously that failure to extend “due benevolence” by either partner could be grounds for church discipline. There is at least one case on record in which a husband was excommunicated for “neglecting his wife” by not having intercourse with her for a long period of time.
Pray that All Would Teach Them in the Way They should Go
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
According to God’s word, we should be (1)teaching our children God's truth and educating them to be fruitful and productive individuals. Young boys at a very early age should be nurtured and guided for a future career that will help them be able to support a family as well as be beneficial to society. Likewise, young girls should be taught what it takes to be a good wife and how to raise a family. But most of all, we should be teaching them about our Awesome God and Creator, showing them at a very early age what Christianity is all about. This can start when their still in the womb, singing and reading the bible out loud to them, covering them in God's prayers too.
But, what are we really doing? Well, there’s mindless video games and action movies that puts nonsense and violence into our children's heads. And then we wonder why our youth are killing each other in schools. Also, there are those nonsense cartoons and kid shows, which teaches our kids to be a bunch of goofballs. So we're raising a bunch of goofballs so that they can produce more goofballs and live foolishly. And is that not true? Isn't our world starting to reflect what were making our children into? For already our young adults who were raised on foolishness are producing even more foolishness on a more grander scale. And let's remember that God's word say to: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) Yes parents, it's your responsibility to train them in the way to go. This would not only be to make them fruitful and productive citizens, but most of all to teach them to be a Godly people.
Now let’s not forget discipline (spanking your children). It seems our society today thinks it knows better than God on how to correct our children. For His word tells us not to spare the (2)rod of correction, for in applying it you’re actually showing more (3)love than you would if you withheld it. But unfortunately, you can get into big (4)trouble if you take a belt to your child these days. Again, this is all about our corrupt way of thinking that we know better than God, but the truth of the matter is, we don’t. For we must remember from the womb we were born sinners. That is why God's word says that: Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15) So that being said, let's stop encouraging are children in the ways of foolishness and instead make them sound Godly people.
WHEN THOU LIEST DOWN, AND WHEN THOU RISEST UP
Now, there is one last thing I do want to touch on, and that is sex educating our children. I believe we as parents have failed our children in this area by giving them the impression that it's evil and nasty and must be hide from them. But I ask you, was it not God who ordained it in the first place? So, why do we find it so difficult to educate them in this very important part of life? And the truth is, they'er are going to find out about it one way or another. So it's best that you teach them the do's and don'ts of sex while they're still young, and especially before they learn the hard way on their own. So, am I suggesting that you set your child next to you while your and your spouse get intimate? Well, even though I heard people going that route, this may not be the best thing to do. However that being said, you must not fall into the trap of our stereo type culture that calls evil good, and good evil. Yes, on the surface spanking your child with a rod or not getting all freaked out if your child walks in on you seem wrong according to our culture. However, we are not of this world but we're children of God. So, the best way for you to teach your children about sex is according to His word. Pray and seek His will in this and all things as well.
In the past (and this still may be true) children who grew up on farms were able to experienced first hand farm animals doing their mating dance. This would naturally allow them to ask and learn that this is how creatures, including humans, make babies. But the worst thing for a couple to do is to panic when their child does happen to walk in on them doing their act. For this will only convey the fails message that this is wrong. Just consider it sex education up front and personal, and a good time to have some explaining to do. Consider it all Joy.
So, in conclusion to all this, let's dare to stand on God's word and not on man's. Let us use God given wisdom and discernment in everything we do, relying on His Holy Spirit to be our teacher. We can always trust in Him for guidance. Amen